Free or Incarcerated?

“Most of us build prisons for ourselves and after we occupy them for a period of time, we become accustomed to their walls and accept the false premise that we are incarcerated for life.”

–Og Mandino, The Greatest Miracle in the World

Not long ago, thanks to one of my colleagues, I had the privilege of speaking with inmates. The topic was, “Life After Prison: The Best Segment of Your Journey.” My goal? To offer hope.

During my talk, I introduced the paradoxical idea of “free-people prisons.” I highlighted that many individuals carry on with their daily lives — going to work, watching movies, dining out — in other words, they seem to be free.

But are they truly free?

In reality, many of us unknowingly build prisons within our own hearts, minds, and souls. We allow past experiences to incarcerate us, locking ourselves in with regret, remorse, fear, and insecurities. Sometimes we unconsciously appoint the cruelest warden, ourselves, to constantly remind us of our fears, faults, and failures.

But how do we break free?

The key lies in learning from the experiences, letting go, forgiving, and asking for forgiveness. All mistakes and hardships hold hidden lessons. Once we recognize and apply them, we will be on our way to releasing the heavy burden of the past.

Forgiveness is key – forgiveness of others and, equally important, of ourselves. Even if direct reconciliation is not possible, forgiving from afar can bring peace. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for healing. It’s often easier to extend forgiveness to others than to ourselves, but without self-forgiveness, I reiterate, moving forward can feel impossible.

Difficult? Absolutely. But freedom—true freedom—is worth the effort. Don’t you think?

Why is this related to leadership?

We have been told that leadership is about what we do to others. Is that all? What are we missing?

Authentic leadership is not just about what we do for others; it is, first and foremost, about who we are and how we lead ourselves. After all, the person in the mirror may be your most challenging team member.

Do you remember that toxic boss from years ago? Many individuals carry deep-rooted psychological issues that determine their negative attitudes as leaders, employees, and family members. They do not realize that the root cause of their toxicity or negative behavior can be found in that unpleasant or even frightful experience from years ago – an experience that haunts them and, unconsciously, leads them to harm others and themselves.

“Nemo dat quod non habet.”

This Latin maxim means that “no one can give what he does not have.” Miserable leaders cannot provide effective leadership. Miserable leaders make everyone around them miserable, creating an extremely negative emotional climate at work, which shapes the organizational culture.

Do you want a daunting leadership challenge? Lead yourself first. Aim at being at your best so you can lead others to be at theirs. People will read and imitate your emotions. Be aware of them.

Key Questions:

• Do you have self-awareness?
• Do you fully understand your strengths, limitations, inadequacies, and emotions?
• Are you honest about what you don’t know?
• Do you stay true to your values, despite the circumstances and even under pressure?
• Do you lead people or just push employees?

Who chooses to dwell on misery? We do. But we also can choose to be at our best. We can choose to maximize each day, bring light, energy, and direction to the workplace. We owe it to ourselves and to our team members.

Final Thoughts

Past pains can transform us into very different people — even malicious ones. Considering that who we are as individuals significantly influences how we lead, we could find ourselves projecting that toxicity or malice onto others – Be careful. Be aware. Correct yourself.

Even worse, past pains can hold us captive, sometimes without us even realizing it. But what if we made a conscious effort to break free? Small actions — daily reflections, consistent prayers, and intentional acts of forgiveness — can make all the difference.

So, are you free or in the emotional, spiritual, or psychological prison of past experiences? If you are not free, never become discouraged, never quit, and never yield to the gruesome forces of your past – for hope, tenacity, and faith are much more powerful than all of your fears, faults, and failures combined.

You may be going through the darkest night right now. However, a new day will come and with it, a new beginning, new hope, and new life.

If you take the right step today, you will be halfway there. What step can you take today to unlock the door to your own freedom?

The key to unlocking your own prison is closer than you think.

Press on bravely; each step brings you closer to emotional freedom.

Jose Marrero

About the author

Jose Marrero is the Director of Special Projects and teaches Applied Leadership and Critical Workplace Skills in the Economic Development Department, Columbus Technical College, Columbus, GA. The seminars that he designs, develops, and delivers focus on achieving long-term results in the workplace. In addition, Jose is referred to as a motivational speaker and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals thrive and reach their fullest potential.

Jose has taught countless customized seminars for several local, state, and international organizations – a few Fortune 500 companies — engaging audiences not only with valuable insights but also by challenging and inspiring them to grow personally and professionally.

His 47-year professional career, 31 of which were spent serving in the US Army, includes assignments such as:

 

• Teaching at the United States Military Academy, West Point, NY
• Commander at various levels
• Strategist at the Strategy, Policy, and War Plans Division, the Pentagon
• Operations Officer at various levels
• Chief of Staff
• Military Advisor to a US Ambassador
• Senior Analyst at the White House ONDCP, Washington, DC — among other regular and special assignments.

 

Above all, Jose has proudly led Soldiers to perform meritoriously under uniquely difficult and challenging conditions.

He has spearheaded various international negotiation efforts, culminating in agreements with foreign governments. In addition to drafting strategies, he has formulated and implemented strategic communication plans, and has prepared speeches and presentations for Executive Officials, General Officers, and Political Appointees.

He has authored over 17 articles. In addition, Jose is among the very few who have been awarded the Presidential Service Badge, for his service at the White House ONDCP.

Jose has been an avid athlete for most of his life. In addition to playing several sports, he taught martial arts, competed in boxing and wrestling, and completed three triathlons.

He is a member of the International Foreign Language Honor Society (Phi Sigma Iota) and earned his postgraduate degree from Vanderbilt University.