leadingtoday.org

Leadership Tip of the Month

August 2003

Copyright 2003 ã weLEAD, Inc.

Are You Listening? - Part 1

To be successful leaders we must develop the vital skill of active listening. This is part of an overall need for effective oral communication. Active listening is the ability to listen intently to what others are saying, understand what they are communicating and show a response of positive affirmation that we are hearing and comprehending their remarks. Below are the first five guidelines we can use to improve our active listening skills.

Sustain your attention – Show you value another’s comments by providing verbal and nonverbal clues that you are indeed listening. This includes good eye contact, verbal acknowledgement, confirming facial expressions and an alert posture. Make an effort to avoid any distractions during the conversation that will affect your ability to sustain your attention.

Don’t over-interpret – Do not jump to a conclusion about what is being said. Early in a conversation, the information is usually too imprecise or incomplete to make a proper analysis of what the speaker is intending. Seek first to understand, and only afterward to be understood. Withhold any early impressions until they are validated through further communication.

Avoid being judgmental – Being judgmental makes it far more difficult to really understand what the speaker is saying. It is all too common for a listener to rapidly decide that a message is “right or wrong” or the speaker is “good or bad” and make a judgmental remark. This only stunts the ability to communicate and typically produces defensiveness. Being judgmental provokes the listener to mentally construct a reply rather than truly listen to the speaker.

Suspend your preconceptions and biases – Don’t simply assume that others have the same attitudes, motives or values as you do. Empathy means that we understand another’s perceptions and feelings. However, if we harbor preconceptions or biases toward others, we can’t have proper empathy. We will misinterpret the message of the speaker through a narrow-minded filter of our personal preconceptions. Make an active effort to learn what the other person is really trying to communicate, even if they are having difficulty expressing it.

Restate what is said – Paraphrasing what the speaker communicates is a remarkably effective skill in active listening. It confirms to the speaker that you are actively listening to what they have said. It also allows you to verbally confirm your understanding of what was said. Finally, it permits the speaker to correct any assumptions you may have of what has just been stated.

Show empathy – Most people fear ridicule or rejection when they are expressing their ideas and opinions. If the listener implies they disapprove of the person, or their feelings, it only inhibits further communication. Respond to the speaker with your manner and speech, showing you really care about what the speaker is saying and feeling. This is especially important if you don’t agree with what is being said. One can disagree without being disagreeable!

To learn more about active listen skills we encourage you to read the weLEAD article entitled, Lessons in Linguistic Chivalry, How to Create a Listening Culture, by Jody Urquhart

For weLEAD, this is Greg Thomas reminding you that it was Boris Marshalov who wrote, “Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees”.

To learn more about leadership go to the weLEAD Home Page!