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Top Ten Workplace Communication Skills & How They Can Make Work Work For You?

By Scott Hunter

Only six percent of Americans love their jobs.

Stress-induced depression is on the rise and predicted to be the leading occupational disease responsible for more work days lost than any other single factor.

And poor communication in the workplace is a leading cause of job dissatisfaction.

Most of us would prefer to work in a thriving, enlivening and nurturing environment, right? So, why is it that most of us acquiesce when confronted by the drudgery and suffering that, according to most statistical measures, characterizes life within many companies? Why is it that given the possibility of real fulfillment and satisfaction demonstrated by championship teams and by other successful organizations, we tolerate the gossip, petty jealousy, personal undermining and adversarial communication that seem to pervade many offices?

Are we all destined to a work environment where the most we have to look forward to is Friday afternoon? Not at all. There are specific steps that can be taken to begin to reclaim some of the enthusiasm, some of the air of celebration and some of the fundamental respect for individual human dignity that is apparent within flourishing business organizations:

1. Don't take it personally

Given the dysfunctional communication strategies demonstrated by most adults, repressed anger and upset are frequently brewing just beneath the surface within many individuals. Their angry and offensive outbursts have little or nothing to do with any occurrence in the present moment. Some unresolved upset from the past has simply been triggered and bursts forth in an inappropriate manner.

Under such circumstances does it make sense to take another’s outburst personally? Logically, the answer is no. Taking someone else's anger personally is insane because it simply never is a personal phenomenon. This is not to say, however, that it is easy to remain calm in the face of another person’s anger, even when recognizing that it is not personal. It is never easy, but armed with this insight you can begin to develop an ability to stand firmly in the face of another's upset without taking it as a personal attack.

2. Listen with compassion

Life is a difficult and challenging enterprise for everyone, and this fundamental truth goes largely unappreciated. Given this knowledge, rather than reacting to someone's anger or upset, it is possible for you to deeply appreciate his or her feelings and experience. Rather than simply reacting, it is useful and necessary for you to act with empathy. Remember, there but for the grace of God go I.

3. Just hear the communication

In order to lessen tension within the workplace, it is necessary to provide a safe environment for open, honest communication. Get people to talk about what is going on with them, to describe their present experience, and then just listen. Don't respond. Don't offer advice. Don't try to console. Just listen with compassion and understanding.

People are not interested in an intelligent response, nor do they want your well intentioned advice or sincere consolation. What most of us want is simply to be heard, and in the vast number of cases, quiet and attentive listening will allow the upset to disappear.

4. Give up the need to be right

This is really tough. For most human beings, the necessity to be right, the unconscious desire to win, is all-important. This bullish drive is expressed with employees, coworkers and even with family. Individuals are reduced to objects, while the opinions of friends and family are sacrificed simply to preserve an egocentric point of view. Being right all the time and being happy are mutually exclusive.

5. Don't tolerate abusive behavior

Listening with compassion and demonstrating empathy for another's circumstances does not mean becoming the whipping boy for everyone's inappropriate expression of anger. Do not tolerate abuse. Insist on being treated with dignity and respect, and establish and maintain appropriate boundaries with others.

6. Don't sell out

In a competitive work environment where everyone is trying to prove some personal value just to survive, fear and intimidation are frequently the tools used to control and manipulate others. We all know when we fail to stand up for ourselves and the inevitable negative self-evaluation that follows. Stay true to yourself and your own standards of behavior. Selling yourself out to someone by compromising your principles may initially garner results, but inevitably precludes the possibility of long-term satisfactory results, perpetuates the mechanism of dysfunctional communication, and diminishes our self-esteem.

7. Look for the best in people

Low self-esteem often results in the purposeful denigration of others. We literally look for the worst in others in an attempt to conceal or dilute our own self-perceived shortcomings by comparison.

In order to counter this seemingly natural tendency, we must first accept the fact that we are not expected to be perfect and that other people’s strengths don’t automatically translate to our weaknesses. We must look at our coworkers and appreciate what it is about each individual that makes him or her a valuable contributor to the company. Who are these people really, and what are their best attributes and strengths? Merely casual relationships with coworkers makes this kind of positive assessment impossible. Make an effort to get to know your coworkers better—just maybe you’ll realize that they are human, too.

8. Acknowledge people

Everyone craves positive attention. Most individuals live with a certain sense of insufficiency about their own shortcomings. Look for opportunities to acknowledge coworkers. What positive impact are they making on the company? Acknowledge people for doing a good job, for making a deadline, for keeping their promises. Acknowledge them for their appearance, for the way they manage their workload, or for the way they treat others. Always remember to keep it authentic and sincere, and look for and find numerous opportunities to thank people for the many large and small contributions that they make to the company.

9. Forgive others

Given the unconscious desire to win at all costs and the necessity to be right, we tend to hold on to every injustice, every wrong, every resentment and every regret. What often goes unnoticed is that unforgiven resentments must always be suppressed, managed or controlled. They arise again and again whenever the person who is the object of the resentment comes into the room or is mentioned in conversation. What makes matters worse is that the suppressed anger also arises whenever any similar instance resembles a past transgression. Resentments divert attention, breed gossip and provoke physical illness.

For your own sanity, it is critically important to forgive others. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and to another. Forgiveness does not deny the inappropriate nature of another's acts; it does not condone or tolerate future abuse. But, in forgiveness, in giving up the resentment and the right to punish, you are left with serenity, freedom and peace of mind.

10. Communicate upsets

Human beings live in the illusion that unexpressed anger, upset and disappointment will simply disappear over time. Nothing could be further from the truth. Like resentments, unexpressed upsets inevitably arise again and again. They divert your attention and sap energy. Only communication can provide salvation for continued viable and productive relationships.

Upsets are best communicated as a report on your own feelings and emotional state rather than as an indictment of another's actions or behaviors. For example, the statement, "When you..., I feel...," is an effective model of this kind of communication. This takes the emphasis off the other individual's behavior and puts it squarely where it belongs, on you and your feelings.

SUMMARY

None of these specific steps are particularly easy. They all require clear awareness of your own emotional state and behavioral patterns; they require a rigorous commitment to the possibility of real dignity and satisfaction in human interaction, and they require a practical discipline in their implementation as they all run counter to many of our typical reactions as human beings under stress. With practice though, these steps do offer the real possibility of a work environment characterized by genuine satisfaction, smooth productivity and authentic enthusiasm. Our lives in the workplace can continue to be spent in anger and frustration; they can continue to be used up endlessly trying to prove our sufficiency and self-worth; they can remain devoted to faulting others and justifying ourselves, or they can be dedicated to creating a profession of genuine human interaction, partnership and peace.

Comments to: editor@leadingtoday.org

About the author:

Scott Hunter is a professional speaker, workshop leader, consultant and coach. He speaks on creating meaningful, quality relationships in the workplace to increase productivity, creativity, teamwork and profitability. He can be reached at scott@thpalliance.com. Visit his web site: www.thpalliance.com or www.scotthunter.com