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Why Is It Always About YOU?
Saving
Yourself From The Narcissists In Your Life
The Free Press –
2002 (197 pages in hardback)
Author Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW
ISBN 0-7432-1427-7
In classical mythology, Narcissus was a
young man who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water and
wasted away from unsatisfied desire. In
modern terms a narcissist is a vain, self-absorbed, arrogant individual with a
grand sense of entitlement. Narcissistic
tendencies include the need to be perfect or in control at all times.
Narcissistic attitudes and behaviors are
epidemic in our society. The American
Psychiatric Association estimates that one out of every one hundred persons
meets the criteria of severe narcissism.
According to the author, “our culture is
full of narcissistic influences that numb us to the reality of the problems we
face.” In fact, unreality is the
hallmark of narcissism. Their
distortions of reality can cause others to question themselves and doubt their
own perceptions.
Narcissists will go to great lengths to
promote fantasies that sustain their grandiosity and omnipotence. Many prominent elected officials, sports
idols, and entertainment figures are narcissists. They also head large corporations and lead
flocks of the faithful. Many of us
encounter unhealthy narcissism in some form every day.
Narcissists see themselves as “special
people.” They know better than you
do. They are also very
shame-sensitive. They avoid shame at all
costs. They are unlikely to self-correct
their intrusive or inconsiderate behavior just because you call attention to
it. When failures occur, they portray
themselves as victims and blame others for their misfortune. Gossip, backbiting, and bootlicking are
prevalent in work environments dominated by a narcissist.
The narcissist sees power as his
due. This is why many achieve management
positions. In such positions they
practice stretching employees until they break and then get rid of them. This is called “rubber band management.” Narcissists are also very aware of shifts in
the balance of power.
In this book author Sandy Hotchkiss
presents an excellent general description of narcissism and covers how to deal
with the narcissists in our lives.
Knowing the narcissist’s weaknesses and tendencies will help you
effectively deal with narcissism.
Chapter 16 is titled “Narcissists at
Work: The Abuse of Power.” This chapter
is well worth the price of the book. It
covers the narcissistic problems of poor interpersonal boundaries, scapegoating, shameless exploitation, envy in the
workplace, and ways narcissists seduce us.
The chapter ends by providing four guidelines for survival with a
narcissist in power.
If you find yourself working in a toxic
environment headed by a narcissistic manager, you will want to read Why is
it Always About YOU?.
Review by
Dr. J. Howard Baker
weLEAD rating - highly recommended
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