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When is it All Right to Look Back?

- One Leader's Perspective

By Greg L. Thomas

Be Good to Yourself One problem many individuals face that limits their leadership potential is the tendency to look back into the past to relive previous events. The human mind is a complex and wonderful organ. It has the ability to reconstruct past activities in such vivid detail and imagery; we can relive an old or recent event over again instantly within our minds. We can experience the same old feelings and reactions to events that occurred 30, 40 or 50 years ago. This may not be unpleasant if the thoughts are fond memories of loved ones or exciting experiences from times long gone. However, it can be harmful if the recycled thoughts are from negative and painful experiences. Some people suffer from a dysfunction that encourages them to constantly relive past events to such a degree, they are virtually living in a regretful world of the past!

We have often heard the term that someone is “scarred from the past”. Many counselors discover that very talented people often shy away from opportunities or from developing obvious skills they possess, because of a horrible past experience they cannot put behind them. Especially when we are young, negative situations have a way of affecting our self-confidence and desire to try new things. This can carry over into the rest of our life if we do not personally deal with these feelings and move on toward the future.

It is true that we should learn from past experiences and analyze these events to make us better and stronger. Life should be an ongoing process of change and personal growth. But once this is done, it is time to let go. It is also true that if something we have done harmed others, or if we avoided personal responsibility, we need to make efforts at reconciliation or restitution if possible. However, nothing is accomplished by torturing ourselves as we revive the negative experiences of years gone by. Going over an event “over and over” again, and feeling the same recurring pain, serves no good purpose. Yet, there are some good reasons to occasionally look back into our lives. The purpose is not to see how much we have lost, but what we have gained!

Ribbon - 1st Place 1 We live in a society fascinated with “winning”. The emphasis of our entire culture appears to be on the winners in business, sports, and entertainment. But what about second place? Motivational speakers and ace salesmen often say there is no room for second place! They maintain that there is only room for great praise and honor for the single individual or team who achieves the first or highest position. They will often proclaim, “who was the second man to go to the North Pole, or who built the second airplane, or who was the second person who flew solo across the Atlantic?” The problem with this flawed logic is prevalent in our entire society today and unfortunately it has also stunted millions of people from reaching their leadership potential! Why? It is limiting, self-centered and misunderstands the real meaning of a winner. I would like to discuss this in further detail.

The single-winner rationale is limiting because one should never compare themselves with others! None of us start at the same place when we begin life. Some are born with far greater talents, opportunities and skills than others. Others have far different family backgrounds and social environments that may either nurture or inhibit our personal growth. What this means is that if life were a foot race, some are already out of the “starting blocks” while the rest of us are still trying to find the starting line! But, life is not to be viewed as a competition against others. It should be a thoughtful examination of ourselves as we look back and take a measurement from where we started. A mature view of good leadership is to look at ourselves not in comparison to the “winners or losers” but by how far we have come in contrast to where we began! In a similar way we should evaluate others not by comparing them to the so-called “winners”, but by how far they have grown and changed in positive ways. What we need to realize is that sometimes the real winners do come in second, third or fourth place!

The single-winner rational is self-centered because it only allows prominence for a lone individual or team. All others are considered losers or implied to be inferior. This of course is silly. First of all, the term “winner” is relative and often changes from short-term to long-term perspectives. For example, some prominent business CEO’s were once considered winners in their respective markets and careers. They were considered the best in their field and winners in the business world. Today, some of these same CEO’s have resigned in disgrace for felonious crimes including tax evasion, unlawful accounting practices, and other serious criminal acts. History is replete with politicians who for a short time appeared to be miracle workers bringing prosperity and national pride. Some even made magazine covers and were considered the “winners” of their age. That is until they also plunged their nation and others into terrible wars of attrition, starvation and poverty.

It's Super Person Secondly, every champion must eventually lose his or her championship. Due to age, injury or personal tragedy the so-called “winner” must eventually accept a diminished role. In reality, a real winner is anyone who has taken what they have been given in life and developed the skills and talents to excel beyond what they started out with! Our entire outlook on life could be changed if we stop focusing on the achievements of others, and start thinking about how well we have done from where we began, and how much more we can yet do.

Those of us who believe in what has come to be known as servant-leadership do not accept the single-winner rational. It has an exclusive attitude that “winners” are few and it is “lonely at the top”. Servant-leaders believe everyone has the potential be a winner because the comparison is not against others but with what we had to start with. It is an inclusive attitude that potential winners are numerous, and there is room for everyone at the top!

In the American Revolutionary War a soldier named John Callender had a very “bad day” during the Battle of Bunker Hill. He turned back during the battle, and as an officer serving under General George Washington was dismissed from the army for being a coward! It is reputed that Washington himself wrote on Callender’s dismissal papers that, “Cowardice – a crime of all others, the most infamous in a soldier, the most injurious, and the last to be forgiven.” But John Callender was a man of great dreams. Few people live without personal failure or falling down at times. However, the real winners are those who when they go down refuse to stay down! These are the determined souls who get up, look back and remember their ideals and aspirations. After Callender was discharged he remembered his personal dreams. He reenlisted in the army as a lowly private. During the battle of Long Island he demonstrated such outstanding courage that Washington revoked his sentence and reinstated him as a captain. We do not know what it was in Callender’s background that caused him to fail in the Battle of Bunker Hill. But we do know that he looked deep within himself and remembered his aspirations and goals.

In conclusion, there are good reasons to occasionally look back. We should certainly not look back in an effort to relive past negative events over ”again and again” in our minds. The resentful mental world of “woulda, coulda and shoulda” will not change the outcome of these former hurtful events. In this case it is best to learn and let go. However, a good reason to look back is to make a personal evaluation of ourselves and take a measurement from where we started. From this vantage point we can start thinking about how far we have come from where we started, and how much more we can still do.

Remember the real winners sometimes do come in second, third or forth place!

Comments to: gthomas@leadingtoday.org

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About the author:

Greg has an extensive thirty-five years experience in public speaking and has spoken to hundreds of audiences worldwide. Greg has a Master of Arts degree in Leadership from Bellevue University, where he also has served as an adjunct professor teaching courses in business management and leadership since 2002. His first book, 52 Leadership Tips (That Will Change How You Lead Others) was published in 2006 by WingSpan Press. His second book, Making Life's Puzzle Pieces Fit was published in March 2009. Both are available at amazon.com. Greg is also the president of Leadership Excellence, Ltd and a Managing Partner of the Leadership Management Institute. Leadership Excellence, Ltd. effectively builds individuals and organizations to reach their highest potential through enhanced productivity and personal development using a number of proven programs. He is also the president and founder of weLEAD Incorporated.