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When Everything Seems to Go Wrong!

- One Leader's Perspective

By Greg L. Thomas

LIGHTNI We all come from different cultures and various backgrounds. The human race is very diverse. We are comprised of different colors, physical sizes, religious beliefs, political views, cultural backgrounds and local customs. The various qualities of leadership are also diverse depending on the needs of this broad diversity. However, as diverse as we are, there is a universal experience that leaders and followers all have in common. It is the feeling of disappointment and discouragement! Sometimes we may be disappointed in the way we have responded or acted in a given situation. Other times we may be disappointed in others. When we approach the “valleys” of life our actions seem to become a vicious circle. We are down, and it affects the qualities of our decisions. The results of these decisions get us even more discouraged and the cycle continues. In the publication, Leadership by the Book, a parable reminds us “people who produce good results feel good about themselves”. Unfortunately the reverse is also true.

Most of the time we may go through life at a seemingly even pace. Yes, we may have good days and bad days but they seem to even or balance themselves out as we proceed through life’s journey. But then there are times when everything seems to go wrong. Decisions appear to be poor. We offend or hurt people we don’t intend to. Our confidence seems to sag and everything we “touch” seems to turn into a negative result. We may begin to question our abilities or even lose sight of our personal goals or values. It is possible to sink into a period of melancholy and self-doubt regarding our past achievements or our vision of the future.

This is actually a universal human trait. Every indication is that all the great (and not so great) leaders of human history have experienced periods of discouragement or mild depression. It is not the purpose of this article to discuss chronic clinical depression but the natural cycle of human discouragement we all suffer from occasionally. For example, Thomas Jefferson experienced a number of episodes of despondency during his life. One such period occurred after the death of his wife when he was virtually incapacitated for many days. For Jefferson these periods were usually accompanied by migraine headaches. Winston Churchill also struggled with periods of dejection and personal frustration he referred to as the “black dog”. These feelings are typical of what we all experience at certain difficult times in our lives. So what can we do when everything seems to go wrong? What should we remember during these times? What can we do now to prepare for them?

CLOUDY First, understand that these periods are part of the natural cycle of human life and can actually be beneficial if we keep these experiences in proper perspective. As people, we tend to focus on the short-term. We realize life is short and fragile and there is a common tendency to view everything and every event in a short-term perspective. This is a mistake because short-term and long-term results are often very different. Worse yet, their end results are sometimes opposite of one another even though they are the results of the very same event! The process of time has a way of changing perspectives or reality. Not wearing that automotive seat belt may seem like a good idea when you are in a hurry or only traveling a short distance… until your car is involved in an accident. Telling a lie may seem like a good answer to avoid embarrassment until others confront us with the facts. Exaggerating our tax deductions may seem wise until we receive notification of an audit. Many attractive physical pleasures seem enjoyable in the short-term but the end results may be expensive, painful or addictive! The short-term can often seem right only because it is the easy or attractive route. But as the journey continues, it proves to be a dead end road.

As an avid gardener I often see homeowners make expensive mistakes by focusing only on the short-term. A new homeowner typically wants to add color and life to their landscape. So they will go to the local nursery and purchase trees or shrubs to add some vibrant color. However, instead of planting and spacing this lush flora wide apart to accommodate their adult size, they will often plant them far too close so they will “fill in” the existing space. Having only a short-term perspective results in these trees or bushes soon growing into each other, forcing the homeowner to eventually remove some, or all of them. The same is true of most decisions in life. The short-term perspective appears to be best and may actually work…for a while. But the effects of time, the long-term, actually alters or may even negate the short-term results. Author and theologian Ernest Fitzgerald reminds us, “Triumphs are not always lasting and defeats are not always permanent.” He continues by stating, “Everyone has been sometimes up and sometimes down, but few people have known which was which at the time…everyday may not be a good day but if you hang on, things have a way of changing. Somehow right things float to the surface. It helps to remember that when the news coming in is all bad.”

During times of deep discouragement when everything seems to go wrong, we have a special affinity for the short-term. Depressed emotions tend to force us to focus on the way we feel and hurt now! During these times we must be aware of this tendency. We must remind ourselves that even these feelings are short-term! Tomorrow will be another day and we must not cloud our thoughts with only the way we feel at the moment. The right perspective is to accept the situation at hand but look ahead, knowing the present situation and our feelings will change in the near future. The right perspective when things go wrong is to look beyond the present situation and into the future. It may even be time to review our personal mission statements. Are we on the right mission? Have we maintained our values and goals? If so, we may be experiencing the short-term results of a temporary situation that will improve long-term. If we discover we have deviated from our original mission or our values, it is time for reflective self-examination. Maybe this episode of despondency has been caused by an internal conflict over our mission, goals, or values! This is also a time when many great historical leaders have tapped into the religious, moral or ethical foundation of their souls to find comfort or seek direction. What else can we do when everything seems to go wrong?

RAINBOW During your darkest hours you should honestly ask yourself a simple question. “Just what do I really believe about my purpose?” You basically have only two choices. You can choose to believe that your destiny is a matter of time, circumstance or luck and what happens to us is merely the result of some kind of nebulous fate. If this situation is correct then all our efforts are essentially worthless and our personal struggles in vain. If this situation is correct, then everyone and every action wind-up to the same conclusion. But there is another choice! You can choose to believe that the creative structures of the universe are so planned that the path of right choices and values somewhere come out at the right place. The right road eventually leads to the right destination. The sowing of good seed will in time bring about a good harvest. If you believe and understand that your destiny is at least partially in your own hands you will gain comfort and confidence from maintaining your values. If they are positive, uplifting and caring they will endure and so will your efforts. If you realize your values are deficient or self-serving, it is time for a change.

What should we remember during these times? We all stumble and fall. Eventually everyone has his or her dreams shattered. Very few people live without severe problems or personal doubts. The winners are those who refuse to stay down when they go down. Those who choose to lead are those who look back and remember their dreams and ideals. The very nature of leadership motivates one to maintain their personal vision of a better self, family, organization, business, or society. We should always remember that every great achievement ever accomplished by the human race has been through struggle and great resistance. It is also during these times we should draw strength from our families, friends, or co-workers. I have personally also found it encouraging reading the biographies of great achievers in history when I am discouraged. Their lives can remind us of the importance of personal endurance and determination. What can we do to prepare for times of discouragement or despondency?

Those who make it during the most difficult times are those who prepared themselves in advance. During the stable and calm times they have established their convictions and fixed their values. It is during the peaceful moments they have decided that people are more important than possessions. A clear conscience is of greater value than increased profits and integrity is worth more than dishonest glory. Those who desire to do great things have tested and established these values during the “good days”. When the valleys of life are later traveled, the momentum of those deep convictions pull them through toward the horizon. Those who stand in the dark valleys don’t surrender because they decided long before what they believe and why. Propelled by the momentum of their values they walk through the dark valleys until the landscape rises once again and dawn begins to break.

SUNNY The greatest possessions of our life are not those things we discover or embrace on the outside, but what we discover within ourselves. It is during the times when “everything seems to go wrong” we are prodded to examine who and what we are. It is also during these times our beliefs and very purpose may be challenged. As a leader, recognize that these times also have a profound purpose and have the potential to make us stronger and wiser. Self-examination and a reaffirmation of our vision and values are powerful tools. I encourage you to view the difficult times in your life from a long-term perspective. You are not alone. Other great leaders and achievers have traveled the same road and felt the same emotions.

They continued on…so can you!

Comments to: gthomas@leadingtoday.org

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About the author:

Greg has an extensive thirty-five years experience in public speaking and has spoken to hundreds of audiences worldwide. Greg has a Master of Arts degree in Leadership from Bellevue University, where he also has served as an adjunct professor teaching courses in business management and leadership since 2002. His first book, 52 Leadership Tips (That Will Change How You Lead Others) was published in 2006 by WingSpan Press. His second book, Making Life's Puzzle Pieces Fit was published in March 2009. Both are available at amazon.com. Greg is also the president of Leadership Excellence, Ltd and a Managing Partner of the Leadership Management Institute. Leadership Excellence, Ltd. effectively builds individuals and organizations to reach their highest potential through enhanced productivity and personal development using a number of proven programs. He is also the president and founder of weLEAD Incorporated.

References:

Blanchard, Ken., Hybels, Bill., Hodges, Phil. Leadership by the Book. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1999.

Fitzgerald, Ernest A. Keeping Pace: Inspirations In The Air. Greensboro, North Carolina: Pace Communications, Inc., 1988